Nothing breaks your heart as much as broken relations....

-


I always agreed to this thought- when we are able to cope up with the other types of failures; but relations get another hurdle- differences and egos, that never lets the bond reconcile back....that’s like a leech feeding on your blood and you don’t even have a hint about it...!
And I thought it applied to love and to some extent to friends- but you know it’s killing when that crosses your outdoor thresholds and sweeps inside the abode- where you nourished your dreams in; which has been with you since you were born on this earth....
The fights that never seem to end, they do get calm at times- but the worst thing that it’s like forest fire- you never know in which corner the spark ignites and blows of your head.
And unimaginable headache that gives- each thought that is covered with a bubble of regret, guilt, fear, disrespect......and you are lost of a pin to prick it with...
The long distance relations, the cold war, the pity fights- all seem bearable, but this rips off the soul...completely.
Anxiety, stress – the words you just hear around- now gets injected into and then like the poison vanishes your liveliness- that very existence.
Fear of each connection, that you might think the very next moment everyone gonna leave you- and you stops caring about even the closest one, you push them away in every possible way- thinking that’s what gonna happen someday with that bond too.
...that kind of thing- when you feel facebook should get to be real- when unfriending and ignoring is just a click away-and easily that face then stops haunting you...
.
.
This is what this night brought with it. Taste of hell...
Weird ways of mine- with headphones on, trying to shut the voices in brain with the music, writing, blog......
....just not what am really wishing right now- to run away from here....but imagining it all inside- Rajasthan- Mt. Abu- Brahmakumaris, Meditation. . .or a big temple. . .a long lone road walk. . . the swing in the park. . . . .reading aloud a book. . .painting on the wall of my room. . . .
.
.
.
.
or just a simple talk to laugh it off. . . . . .


this word got enough of engineers and techies God, please send some real humbleness in humans back. . . .



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mind Clutter

-
This September, I will be 27 Time is running fast, like an unknown stranger across from the cross walk. I was supposed to be all grown up by now. But are all the other married people are like that? Probably not. Now with all the pressure and prospects hovering on my head. Is it time to say amigos to the dreams, and leave a few behind. Why didn't the love matters were sorted better when they were happening All i became was annoyed of the unbelievable distances, fear and now on the verge of losing the solitude I hold so dear. I read all the good things and still can't formulate better impressions about myself. Am sarcastic at times..funny other and gloomy most of it. I am not sure how to define myself now for the 'profile'. Why are relationships necessary. I kill most of them. How am I supposed to bring out the in-depth definitions of me, and have people think and make opinions and judge me .. To be hanged out in the market that I don't really feel...
Read more

Broken and shattered. to pieces.

-
It was all a matter of courage. The matter of looking myself. With just my vision and view. Not caring about the big money. Big time. In turn, making the heart feeble and small. The worst kind of relationship handler. Why someone else's life effected mine so bad. That it still is. There is regret, resentment and nothing else. The heart all out of sync with whatever's happening around. Stuck. At one place. There had been something more between us that brought us closer. Or, is this just overthinking and imagining. The wedding day is not here yet. There still is time. But the place is far. Too far. Escaping dying - even when jumped off the cliff.
Read more

Hurt Homebound

-
This is the place of all the emotional turmoils to that escape through the windows of my brain. This family thing around me is flawed. Not all. but in some sense, perhaps. Just an instance a while back. Why. WHY on Earth am suppressed for each little thing. I was brushing my teeth and the ears were listening to the conversation next door While thinking all the while would it be appropriate to go by and talk. listen. or just be there as a tiny part of this home. They were talking since past 10 min. And it all crumbled and stopped within 3 minutes of my presence. More and more inclining towards meditations each time such things happen. Am becoming supple in the core. Some layers were off they are all rotten now. I wonder where those times are gone, when I dreamt of conquring the world and do as I wished.
Read more