Letters for the Future. . .

This is the place of all the emotional turmoils to that escape through the windows of my brain. This family thing around me is flawed. Not all. but in some sense, perhaps. Just an instance a while back. Why. WHY on Earth am suppressed for each little thing. I was brushing my teeth and the ears were listening to the conversation next door While thinking all the while would it be appropriate to go by and talk. listen. or just be there as a tiny part of this home. They were talking since past 10 min. And it all crumbled and stopped within 3 minutes of my presence. More and more inclining towards meditations each time such things happen. Am becoming supple in the core. Some layers were off they are all rotten now. I wonder where those times are gone, when I dreamt of conquring the world and do as I wished.

The piles of clothing lying on the floor was clearly depicting that her state of mind is same as that. Messed up to a big extent.  She's been fidgeting a lot. There had been nights and nights along when the heartbeats have rushed up. Anxiety from work that's messing with the mental health. She's ben new, this country the people had always treated her nice and wise. Suddenly its all crumbling with the horrific storms entered in. She no longer believes or trust anyone. The safe harbours are losing grip.  She carries a tiny soul with dreams and dreams of beautiful things.  There are harms she inflicted on people around, but not as bad as shouting in shrill sounds day in and day out. Not like losing senses and talking gibberish, illogical stuff. Read through the things that atleast tell her, what bullying really is. They don't use bad words, and that's all being millimeters away from being defined into the boundaries of all those bad things. The behaviou...

It's Sunday night. And am going through some sort of anxiety attack. Been restless for a while, and running around doing different things to calm down my nerves. Fidgeting, and knowing the reason underneath. It's Monday. The past two years were a breeze as compared to the times am running into now. The weekdays I absolutely DREAD I cant take it anymore. Its been almost a month or so. These work people walk down in my dreams like nightmare, already. I always keep telling myself, one more time and I will go to HR, one more time I listen and stay silent, drink some tears and write somewhere my heart out. Undermining my strength and thinking its all in my head. Resorting to writing, themeditationpodcast - some deep breaths and wet eyes. I was just a girl with dreams of flying high. Money doesn't motivate me, i have tried, and in turn staying frugal to nurture the future. Am still searching for that one thing that leads my life. That one purpose that strike th...

She filled the major part of my days I told her the thoughts running in my head Usual unusual rantings, day and night - night and day I had lost all the feelings of what love would ever be But she was comfort on those painful lonely nights The first one to know what exciting is happening in my life here The first one to see any interesting click And the countless imaginations we had - on how living together would feel like.. There are things I miss Like the smell of burning match-stick Turning the flame on using a lighter The sweaty humid real burning summers Afternoon naps And being creative all the time Travelling back in time to the memories bitter and sweet In the empty street like staring at home asking it to hug me tight And like it crumples on me with all its brick and mortar The childhood long gone I miss those heartfelt conversations...more than ever. ================ Painful eyes and head Thursday - eye test!

Deeply embedded smiles. Another movie that became an instant favourite. Charlie. So much in love with Dulquer Salmaan. This guy is phenomenal. Thanks to Netflix for having am ample number of movies and stumbling me upon OK Kanmani. And since then, had seen numerous of his. And crave to see him more. I don't understand what he speaks, the subtitles is all I dwell on His smile is such a charm. Guessing there'd be a huge fan following for him in south. I catch a few Malyalam words here n there. And songs, unbelievable. I try humming them in my head, words evaporate, just the music stays.. And I turn back to internet for more. Just when charlie finished, caught my glimpse in the screen beside, I caught myself stupidly smiling. Honey Sugar Dreams are all made of Salmaan tonight. Haahhh...this guy to drool over! <3 An obsession after ages! Wont stay long though. But always a huge admiration. Someday would stumble walking by the roads or in the vast airports.....

It's all done. The Wonderful Wednesdays are a thing of past now. Last class cancelled, I cant understand why. Perhaps, some new days will be added in 1 of 8 done. 7 more to go. Design is what my desires are made of. And, how to be clever like the rest of the world, my waking moments. The random pains that come up like needles and disappear in seconds. I just ignore, like a nomad. Who is the doctor to go to, this place is so confusing. They all seem to know less then the internet. And each one have that big flaw that makes me cringe. off to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz