GrowinG uP!!

This year. I will be the big twenty seven.
The life's turning to a new road.
After that turbulent teenage times, when the hormones take over and make the kids do weird stuff, think it's that kind of similar.
Am being told to do something - something called wedding.
It looks like a good thing. But I like those alone moments of my life too preciously. Will that be taken away?
They ask me to create profiles and all the stupid things world hang on to and dwell in to...!
Those aren't for me. Keep those for yourself all you trying-to-be-caring humans around me.

Am becoming the kind of person not much driven towards the attraction either.
I want conversations - those deep meaningful conversations, which don't drive me to tears and help me make sense of myself.
The world talk on the surface. All of it.
Will that new person be that one?
Will anyone ever be interested in exploring the not-only-surface part and let me explore their thoughts?
The perfect platonic ways?
And the tiny bit of ability to understand the sarcasm - that's filled in - ample amounts and disrupts when it shouldn't.

I thought I was a mellow and amiable person, but looking back to the amount of fights and disagreements I had been a part of, it doesn't hold true as much as I want it to be. . . The times I cried in burst of anger, where the words coming out made no sense and became all lie. It must be something from genes that I try to control, but doesn't work as much.

I haven't seen love-blossoms first hand. Whatever I found it felt gross and non-sensical.
Or the sweet parts in movies and strangest kind of things around. I look for magic to fix me first and then to look for a person. But then, magic is all superficial, and wont last.

Wont people grow old and grow apart?
What the world is becoming scares me. . .deep inside.

Big expectations coming running after me.
And here I am, in midst of feeling the world has gone all busy, just not me. People want more than 24 hours in their day, I wish it reduces down to half.

I can't even change my job. The apparent dislike for IT - the all day sit and stare things and make brain do all the work -  isn't me.
This one stupidest kind of job that karma had put in my life to take the revenge of the past. Isn't the time over yet Karma? Please tell?

Distressed and look back to the times when from grade 6 onwards I use to cry before exams, when had cried all night before computer science exam in grade 7.
The logics take time to make sense for me. Ample of it.
The 'words' make sense. A lot of it. Most of the time.

Can I go back and start dreaming again like a 10 year old kid...
When all what the mind is told to think is the next big thing...