A step ahead pondering over the thoughts flying like paper-planes in the mind, sometimes taking a swift move and many a times colliding into each other.
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कौन कहता है कि दिल सिर्फ लफ्जों से दुखाया जाता है.. तेरी खामोशी भी कभी कभी आँखें नम कर देती हैं…
This September, I will be 27 Time is running fast, like an unknown stranger across from the cross walk. I was supposed to be all grown up by now. But are all the other married people are like that? Probably not. Now with all the pressure and prospects hovering on my head. Is it time to say amigos to the dreams, and leave a few behind. Why didn't the love matters were sorted better when they were happening All i became was annoyed of the unbelievable distances, fear and now on the verge of losing the solitude I hold so dear. I read all the good things and still can't formulate better impressions about myself. Am sarcastic at times..funny other and gloomy most of it. I am not sure how to define myself now for the 'profile'. Why are relationships necessary. I kill most of them. How am I supposed to bring out the in-depth definitions of me, and have people think and make opinions and judge me .. To be hanged out in the market that I don't really feel...
It was all a matter of courage. The matter of looking myself. With just my vision and view. Not caring about the big money. Big time. In turn, making the heart feeble and small. The worst kind of relationship handler. Why someone else's life effected mine so bad. That it still is. There is regret, resentment and nothing else. The heart all out of sync with whatever's happening around. Stuck. At one place. There had been something more between us that brought us closer. Or, is this just overthinking and imagining. The wedding day is not here yet. There still is time. But the place is far. Too far. Escaping dying - even when jumped off the cliff.
This is the place of all the emotional turmoils to that escape through the windows of my brain. This family thing around me is flawed. Not all. but in some sense, perhaps. Just an instance a while back. Why. WHY on Earth am suppressed for each little thing. I was brushing my teeth and the ears were listening to the conversation next door While thinking all the while would it be appropriate to go by and talk. listen. or just be there as a tiny part of this home. They were talking since past 10 min. And it all crumbled and stopped within 3 minutes of my presence. More and more inclining towards meditations each time such things happen. Am becoming supple in the core. Some layers were off they are all rotten now. I wonder where those times are gone, when I dreamt of conquring the world and do as I wished.
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